


I'm a Grown Ass Woman

by Bright_Boisterous_Bananas



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, American Sign Language, DameRey, Damerey Endgame, Damerey relationship, Deaf, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hard of Hearing, Love Confessions, POV Poe Dameron, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Protective Poe Dameron, Sign Language, Slow Burn, Sweet, True Love, blind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23043445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bright_Boisterous_Bananas/pseuds/Bright_Boisterous_Bananas
Summary: Rey is blind and deaf. On a flight home, a stewardess is far from understanding or helpful.Poe finds a creative way to use sign language.The asshole stewardess gets reported, good riddance!
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Rey, Poe Dameron/Rey, Rey & Poe Dameron
Comments: 107
Kudos: 108





	1. The Gesture

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story inspired by something I wrote in one of my journals as a kid and something I saw on the news a few months back. A man on a plane was blind and deaf, no one knew how to communicate with him. A young girl stepped up and did sign language into his hands. The story moved me so much!
> 
> I spent some time learning about the deaf community. They have an amazing rich culture. So beautiful! I did one semester of American Sign language in College. Wish I had stuck with it before life got busy!
> 
> I'm trying to use the right terminology. I've heard some prefer 'deaf' and others prefer 'hard of hearing'. I've been told both are acceptable as long as checking in beforehand is something that happens.
> 
> For continuity, all Sign Language is in italics and brackets.
> 
> My aim is to be respectful when writing about this topic. 
> 
> Important:  
> In American Sign Language, they don't use smaller words like articles as much. For example when they say "my name is ______" there isn't a sign for "is" in that phrase. But for readability purposes, I've made all signing translations complete sentences.

“Captain, get back here. A passenger is causing a scene, we’ve tried everything! Hurry!” A crisp voice seethes into the comms. 

“On my way.” Poe groans. As he leaves the cockpit, he makes a bet with himself that it’s that damn stewardess’ fault a passenger is upset.

He instantly knows he’s right.

An angry voice echoes from the back of the plane. Unmistakably Phasma’s. “Young lady, I’ve already told you, we aren’t landing for two more hours!” She’s baring her teeth. “You don’t have to be a bitch about it!”

A young woman is in tears, she’s sitting alone. In the back of the plane. Signing frantically as Phasma looms over her and spits profanity into the air. The girl reaches out a hand to gently tug on Phasma’s sleeve, pleading for something. There’s an unsettling wack, sobs follow.

“Enough!” Poe bellows as he approaches. “Leave us!” he commands. The stewardess marches away throwing her hands up making a sound like a vengeful dying pigeon.

Neighboring passengers whose mouths were agape, moments before, now busy themselves.

Poe takes in the woman before him. Confused, tear stained and stricken. It’s been a minute since he used sign language, years even, since his mother’s death.

He sits next to her, steadying hands resting on her shoulders. Her posture softens, she’s catching her breath, sensing Phasma’s departure no doubt. Her eyebrows lower and knit together. She’s studying him. A thoughtful look passes through her beautiful features. It’s then he notices her eyes. Glassy, cloudy and distant. _Oh!_

She starts signing again. [W _ho are you?]_

Following an instinct, he gently takes her hands and places them on his, he starts to sign slowly so she can follow each motion. [ _I am Poe. Poe Dameron. I am the Captain.]_

Relief floods her face. Fresh tears spill out. She is moved by his gentleness.

_[I apologize for the behavior of that asshole stewardess]_

Brown waves bounce as a giggle escapes her lips. Poe continues, smiling. 

[ _What is your name?]_ His hands move skillfully, her palms and fingers folding in and out of his as she tracks the movement to collect the meaning.

 _[I’m Rey]_ She smiles, a light flush coloring her round cheeks. 

[ _Rey, Pleased to meet you. What can I help you with?]_ His touch is gentle and warm.

_[I need to know what time the plane is landing. Also, I haven’t had my meal yet. I’m very hungry.]_

She’s crying as she makes her requests known, apparently she had waited hours and asked multiple times for an interpreter. Poe is moved for this sweet girl. 

_[I’ll be right back, I’ll bring you your meal and I’ll reprimand the asshole while I’m at it.]_

Rey giggles. Poe likes the sound. 

He marches to the Stewardess station. Careful to keep his voice down but still make his authority known. “What the hell, Phasma!?” He’s fuming, “That girl you treated like garbage back there can’t even _see_ or _hear_ you! I wouldn’t be surprised if the airline has a lawsuit over this.”

“How was I supposed to know?” She defends sharply.

“I’m reporting you the _second_ I land this hunk of metal!” He warns, pushing past her he collects a meal and heats it in the microwave. 

“She shouldn’t be traveling alone!” Phasma growls.

“That’s not your call.” Poe says firmly.

He loads the meal onto a tray, grabbing fist fulls of colorful snacks as an on-the-house peace offering.

Rey jumps slightly when she feels him sit back down next to her. Setting the tray in front of her he gently takes her hands again, he signs _[It’s me again, Poe, I’m back with your meal.]_

She clasps his hands, squeezing them _[Thank you]_ that motion is so graceful. _[Your kindness means a lot to me.]_

 _[It’s my pleasure]_ He explains the location of each food item by the hands of a clock. Rey nods eagerly and digs in. His heart aches to see that she had been denied her meal.

It’s endearing to him, the level of noise in her eating. Her gratefulness is overflowing when she finishes and he clears her tray.

Determined to stay with her and make her comfortable, he signs into her hands for the better part of an hour. It’s a slow and delicate dance, but she calms more and more. The ability to communicate filling her with confidence once again.

[ _I have to go start the landing now, My first officer will be needing a break.]_ Hey says regretfully.

[ _Thank you, Kind Poe. I won’t forget you.]_ She gives him a small hug. 

* * *

Another successful landing. He finds himself rushing to shut the engine down and bid the passengers farewell as they exit. The plane clears. Rey is the last one making her way slowly down the aisle with her cane. He gently touches her arm to stop her just before she enters the ramp. 

_[Poe is that you?]_

_[Yes, Do you have a ride home?]_ He asks.

 _[No I was going to walk]_ She looks sad.

_[How far away do you live?]_

_[My house is on Brighten Avenue]_

Poe knows that is at least a three mile walk, and it’s dark out. He isn’t about to let that happen.

_[May I please escort you home?]_

She beams. _[Yes, please]_

_[I need fifteen minutes to make a few calls, to report the asshole, then I can meet you in the lobby, we can take my rental car. Do you know your way around?]_

Rey laughs at the asshole sign again. _[Yes, I’m a grown ass woman.]_ This makes Poe chuckle. She turns to go and then spins back _[I need to assign you a gesture, so when you come find me, I know it’s you]_

 _[That sounds good]_ He hesitates, unsure of how this works, _[What should I do?]_

 _[Pick something simple, for example, my Dad always squeezes my shoulder like this]_ She demonstrates _[so I know it’s him]._

Poe thinks for a moment, then he softly tucks her hair behind her ear and gives a tiny tug to her earlobe. _[Will that work?]_

 _[Yes, good]_ She blushes.

* * *

Rey is by the door in the lobby, bouncing on her heels. Her eyes distant, smiling to herself. A warm hand slips around her ear and lightly pulls.

 _[Poe!]_ Her smile is like the sun. 

He offers his arm, she takes it, and he guides her out into the warm night air.


	2. The Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens:  
> Poe escorts Rey home. He meets a childhood hero.
> 
> Poe's past surfaces.
> 
> We discover that Rey's disability is a disguise for a powerful gift.
> 
> Rey gives him his first sign name!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wee bit more info about The Beautiful Deaf community:
> 
> -Most Deaf people have a way of being more blunt and honest. It's amazing to witness, they are not as afraid to speak their minds as hearing people. 
> 
> -If you're lucky, A deaf person will give you a sign name. It only counts if it's from someone inside the Deaf community.
> 
> -If you're wondering, the reference to the steak recipe in this chapter is from the Netflix show "Ugly Delicious." It made my mouth water so I had to write about it!
> 
> -The wooden model of the city is a direct reference to the novel "All the Light We Cannot See." 
> 
> Warnings:  
> -References to Death  
> -A brief PTSD episode.
> 
> Also: FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF AND MORE FLUFF :)

A burst of something colorful and delicious fills his nostrils the second he enters the house. 

_[This is my home!]_ Rey signs excitedly as she pulls him over the threshold.

It’s a cozy two story colonial. The energy of the house is warm and vibrant. Poe’s mouth drops open at the beauty around him. It’s decorated with bright pottery dishes and sculptures on many shelves. 

_[Wow! This is beautiful!]_

Rey giggles in response and pulls his hand toward the kitchen.

“I wonder who that could be!” A jolly voice booms. A graying man appears around the corner, “There’s my pumpkin!” He squeezes Rey’s shoulder, and lifts her in a bear hug, She laughs and pulls him over to Poe, signing an excited introduction, “Oh! You’ve brought a friend!” He beams warmly and offers his hand. “Pleased to meet you, I’m Luke, Rey’s Dad. What’s your name, Son?”

Poe is ashamed of his lame handshake. Recognition flashes over Poe’s eyes, he feels weak at the knees. “Are you Luke Skywalker?”

“Why yes I am! Pleased to meet you ‘Are-you-Luke-Sky-Walker!’” He belly laughs.

The air around Luke is so joyful, It breaks through Poe’s nerves, he laughs and finds his courage, “I’m Poe Dameron. I-I, uh, I’m a huge fan.” He curses his shaking voice, “You’rethereasonIbecameapilot!”

Luke laughs and Rey is beaming, she can sense their introduction. 

“I’m honored! Please come in, let’s get you some food!”

Poe is about to protest, suddenly feeling unworthy, but Rey grabs his hands and pulls him into the kitchen. She’s peeling off his jacket and pushing him in a chair playfully. He’s impressed, she moves effortlessly around the kitchen. It’s like she can see everything clear as day. 

Rey signs rapidly with Luke, filling him in about their flight as they lay the table with the most delectable food Poe has ever seen.

Luke is so grateful for Poe’s kindness to Rey that it earns him a bear hug. He gets lifted into the air and then smashed back into his chair playfully. Poe’s head is spinning, he’s nearly peeing himself. He just got a hug from his hero. From Luke-freaking-Skywalker. 

“Thank you for looking after my Rey!” Luke’s eyes are misty.

Suddenly there’s a steaming plate of food in front of Poe, and Rey is next to him, eating in that noising endearing way. There’s a feeling creeping in his corners. Something he’s so afraid of but he’s craving it. He won’t name it. Afraid if he does, it will slip away or be stolen from him.

Poe’s taste buds are exploding as he eats his steak. It melts in his mouth. Apparently, they have a meat house in the back. Where they have smoked and aged the meat in lavender for over a hundred days. His mouth is resentful to him that he’s never let it taste anything so sweet until now.

Rey squeezes his hand gently. She motions for Poe to talk to Luke. _[I can sense that you have a lot of questions]_ She has a knowing smile, _[Don’t worry about me, you don’t have to sign to keep me in the loop about your conversation. I’ve heard all of Dad’s stories before.]_

Poe puts down his fork and takes her hands, _[Are you sure? I don’t want to be rude!]_

_[Very sure!]_ She blushes and squeezes his hands one more time.

Poe is spellbound by the war stories. Luke is a marvelous story teller. He was an ace pilot in the War against the empire. Awarded a medal of honor for valor, and the purple heart. He was captured, and tortured. After the war, he went back to the Middle East to help negotiate peace, meeting face to face with and befriending those who tortured him. Showing forgiveness and mercy. This earned him the Nobel Peace Prize.

_[Dad, are you done talking now?]_ Rey has been very patient. Luke was long winded and thorough. _[I would like to show Poe around the house.]_ She had begun bouncing impatiently after forty five minutes. 

Luke hurriedly signs into her hands _[I’m so sorry sweet pea, go ahead, I’ll clean up the kitchen.]_

Rey takes Poe’s hand and pulls him into the living room. 

Rey is speed-signing with excitement. She’s pressing bright colored pottery bowls and mugs into his hands, explaining the making process. She made all of the ceramic art that lines the walls on shelves. She runs a shop with Luke now that he is retired. Poe’s mouth is dropping open again. 

She holds Poe’s hand as she guides him around. 

They pass a room with a workbench and pile of hearing aids.

_[Dad’s been trying to fix one of these up, in hopes it will help me hear a little bit.]_

_[Any success yet?]_

_[No, but I don’t mind. In fact I’m not sure I want to hear. Touch is my language now. It suits me. I am so much more in tune with others and the world, then I was before I went deaf. Come with me, I will explain.]_

Rey tows him to sit on the couch. Poe is overwhelmed and fascinated, it’s increasingly endearing to him how she leads him through the house. There’s a miniature wooden model of the entire city on the large coffee table. Realization floods him, that’s how she is so confident to walk the city alone. She has it all memorized.

_[This is where Luke found me when I was a child]._ She runs her fingers over the city, resting them on what looks like miniature dumpsters behind the ballpark stadium.

_[I was four years old. My parents left me here. Luke took me in, raised me. I went blind first, then deaf. It was a slow process. I was terrified.]_

Poe’s heart is stinging with sadness for Rey. _[I am so sorry!]_ He presses the signs into her hands gently and urgently. 

Rey warmly holds his hands. _[Don’t be sorry,]_ She smiles, _[As my senses closed, the world opened to me.]_

Poe’s brows furrow. Rey senses his question. _[Let me show you something. For example: I don’t need to see or hear you to get a read on you.]_

Those last three words sound an alarm through his body. Poe doesn't do vulnerability. In fact, he has blocked it out, for many years now, thank you very much. 

_[Try not to move, may I touch your face?] She asks._

Poe swallows, he’s caught off guard by her bold tenacity, _[Yes.]_ His hand made the sign without consent from his brain.

She raises her hands, and then pauses _[I can sense you’re afraid, don’t be, this is how I get to know people. I can form a picture of you in my mind with touch.]_

His heart is jumping up and pounding in his eyeballs, but he manages to sign _[Ok]._

Gentle warm hands press into his cheeks. Her eyes are thoughtful as she concentrates. This touch is not like caressing affection, nor is it rough or clumsy. It’s slow, gentle and purposeful.

She runs her fingers over his eyebrows, then his cheek bones. Pausing at the crinkles in the corner of his eyes, she can feel the lines deepen as he smiles. His breath slows, closing his eyes he can feel her cover his lids with her fingers, they linger on the bags under his eyes. She slides her fingers to his strong jaw, rubbing lightly at his five o’clock shadow, she chuckles at the texture. Poe does too. This isn’t so scary after all.

He feels her hand gently squish his nose. He laughs. Warmth blooms when she brushes her fingers over his lips. A blush floods her cheeks. She tousles his brown waves while she gently pulls on random strands, dislodging his attempt at well kept hair. As her hands sink onto his neck, she pauses at a spot on his nape. Pressing deeper for a moment, her hand warms it, soothes it. Rubbing circles in until it reaches that deep knot, that always nags him. Poe is baffled, _how did she know it was there?_

When her hands come around the front of his neck she freezes as her fingers brush a stretch of lumpy skin poking out from the collar of his uniform.

As her brow furrows, Rey slides her hand under his shirt to meet a jagged scar.

Poe’s PTSD flares. A memory surges. Foggy as it unfolds, but growing clearer with each second: thick smoke, screams, death….

Poe gasps, pulling her hands away sharply. 

_[I’m so sorry!]_ He signs, feeling guilty for jerking her away.

_[Those are burn marks]_ she isn’t bothered by his sudden movement, her eyes are sad and searching. _[You have secrets, Poe Dameron.]_ She lifts her hands back to his neck, he stops her, gentle and soft this time.

_[I think I need to stop for now.]_ He’s shaking.

_[Ok]_ She smiles and squeezes his hands with warmth and understanding. _[Would you like me to distract you with a party trick?]_ Her eyes become playful. 

How in the world did she know that his brain needs redirection at this very moment. _[Sure!]_ He Replies.

_[Based on my read, I can guess your exact age.]_ A wry smile curling at her lips.

_[No way!]_

_[Yes way! You are thirty-five and a half aren’t you?]_

Good God.

_[That I am. How old are you?]_ Poe laughs.

_[Twenty-five and a half]_ She holds her nose in the air proudly.

Of its own accord, Poe’s brain is doing quick math. Ten years apart, not a problem, his grandparents were ten years apart--he slams the door on that thought. 

_[I should get going, I have another flight in the morning]._

By the door, Poe got his wish of a second bear hug from Luke. “When are you in town next?” His voice jolly.

“I have a flight back here, to Maine, from Chicago next week.” Poe doesn’t dare hope for what comes next but it’s granted to him without even asking.

“Please come by again, Let me give you my cell number. We’re saving up for Rey to get a Braille phone, so until then, I’m assigned to electronic communications duty.” He laughs.

They exchange numbers. Poe is in a daze.

Luke leaves the two of them alone to say goodbye.

_[Do you have a sign name?]_ Rey asks.

He doesn’t. His mother never gave him one, and it has to be given by someone in the deaf community or else it doesn’t count.

_[I don’t have one.]_

_[May I give you one now?]_

Something inside him is leaping.

_[Yes!]_

Gracefully, she glides the first letter of his name through the air and folds it into another sign.

_[I name you, Flyboy.]_

There’s that feeling again, cascading over him. He’s terrified to name it, afraid that his past will follow him and rip this away.

_[Thank you! Do you have a sign name?]_

_[No, people have tried different ones, but none of them stuck. Dad calls me pumpkin, but only to hearing people.]_

_[I don’t know if this is allowed, but can I give you one too?]_ Poe asks.

_[Yes.]_

Poe knows what he wants to convey. Slowly taking the ‘R’ he floats it lightly in the air, rolls it, and blooms his fingers like the sun. _[I name you, Sunshine.]_

Rey beams as her hands follow his movement. He inhales suddenly at the sight of her smile.

_[Thank you!]_ Then, without warning she hugs him. 

He’s expecting it to be a short hug. But it’s not. It’s long. She is determinedly not letting him go and he doesn’t mind.

* * *

_Tonight,_ someone really saw him for the first time. Rey, who possessed a great gift in the guise of a disability, had looked right through him and into his soul. He’s afraid. But _tonight_ , a small piece of him returned, he feels slightly more whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me that steak didn't make your mouth water!
> 
> The naming melts me <3
> 
> The fluff ain't stoppin' here!


	3. The Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe gets to be Rey's pilot for the second time.
> 
> Poe's soul is still refusing vulnerability.
> 
> An eerie stranger brings up a memory from Rey's past.
> 
> The pair draw closer and Rey is invited to an outing with Poe's friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having a blast writing about our favorite pair while self quarantining during the coronavirus scare.
> 
> Just thought I should mention, The Force is not present in this fic, nor is 'magic' or 'powers'. (as much as I love those things) I've sort of replaced these things with Rey's heightened sense of touch and taste. You'll see what I mean.
> 
> I've borrowed some ideas from Stranger things for this chapter.
> 
> Really laying the foreshadowing on thick in this one, I'm hoping it pays off! 
> 
> Warnings:
> 
> References to a traumatic past.
> 
> Innuendos.
> 
> As always, mountains of fluff.
> 
> Enjoy!

“If you ever need a favor, call my direct cell number.” Leia’s voice is firm. “You did good, Dameron.” Her tone is always fierce even when she’s impressed.

“Yes, Ma’am, thank you.” Poe’s trying to contain his enthusiasm. When he hangs up the phone he flails and fist pumps several times.

Phasma’s employment with Millennium Airlines is being terminated and he is getting a raise. He sighs and there’s a ridiculous prance in his step when he enters the Airport.

* * *

Rey is seated by her gate at the Atlanta airport, immersed in her novel, her fingertips glide across the page at a shocking speed. A warm hand tucks her hair behind her ear and pulls smoothly on her lobe.

 _[Flyboy!]_ She jumps up and hugs him. Poe chuckles, her affection is always so surprising. But it’s her language after all. He doesn’t mind. He swings her from side to side. The cotton of her dress floating back and forth in the breeze.

He sets her down and signs gently into her hands. _[Guess what, Sunshine?]_

_[What?]_

_[The owner of the airline just told me the asshole stewardess who mistreated you is getting fired!]_

Rey beams and bounces, hugging him again, it never gets old.

 _[Where are you flying to today?]_ He asks.

_[Home! To Portland, Maine. I’ve been visiting my friends Rose and Finn.]_

_[Looks like I get to be your Pilot again!]_

_[Good]._ Rey squeezes his hands. A sweet blush tints her cheeks. _[Will you please come over for dinner again? Dad is making-]_

 _[Yes!]_ He cuts her off and it earns him a giggle. Luke’s mouthwatering food should have a shrine. It’s holy, sacred even, and should be worshipped. Poe has had the honor of eating it on five occasions. The Skywalkers have been kind enough to invite him for dinner each time he’s flown to Maine in the last month. 

_[Can I see which seat they gave you?]_ Something twists in his gut when he sees she is in the last boarding group and her seat is in the back again. _[Come with me, I have an idea!]_

He takes her hand and leads her to a service desk. A perk of being a tenured pilot: free upgrades for a plus-one.

The receptionist raises an eyebrow as he flashes his badge and makes his request: A first class compartment, with the first boarding group, and two recliners, so he can sit with Rey for the meal.

* * *

A look of awe sinks into Rey’s face when she feels the recliner catch her. She sighs at the comfort of the roomy chair. _[You’re spoiling me, Flyboy.]_

 _[Good!]_ He laughs.

 _[Are you sure this is allowed? I didn’t pay for it, I don’t feel worthy.]_ Her brows are pulling together with concern. 

_[You are worthy! Don’t ever question that.]_ His heart is aching as he watches her sign. How could she ever think she isn’t worthy?

She moves to stand up. Catching her waist as she does so, he playfully guides her back. The squealing noise that erupts from her is decidedly precious to him. As he pushes her back into the seat, he plops next to her. Soft hands rest on his forearms for a moment, a pulse of warmth ignites up his arms. His breath catches as he realizes his fingertips are pressing into her waist. A nearly undetectable hint of a coy smile flits across her lips as she withdraws her hands, trailing her fingers. 

Eyeballs are a curious thing, he can’t control his at all as he chances a glance at her smooth lips. Something in his mind locks a divine thought into a vault and throws it off a cliff into the abyss of his consciousness--No vulnerability. His hands return to him.

_[I have to go make the announcements and prepare for wheels up in fifteen minutes.]_

_[Ok]_ she smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

 _[If you need anything you can press this button,]_ He guides her hand, _[and it will summon me directly.]_

 _[I might press it just for fun.]_ Playfulness returning to her face.

 _[Good.]_ He tucks her hair behind her ear and tugs on the lobe affectionately, then brushes his fingers along her jaw. A bold move that earns him a crimson blush and blinding smile. _[See you soon, Sunshine.]_

 _[Feel you Soon, Flyboy]_ Her preferred response to when people say ‘See you soon’. It always makes his heartbeat skid and flop wildly.

* * *

Rey is engrossed in her novel when she feels a strange presence next to her. Someone taps her on the shoulder. It’s not Poe. He would have used the signal. Keenly aware of a strange feeling in her gut, her posture changes, her breathing picks up. Cold hands take hers and sign:

_[Hello, my name is Dr. Hux, I work for Palpatine Enterprises.]_

_[Hello, I am Rey.]_ Her signs are shaky but this is only detectable to herself.

_[Given your problems, you seem to have extraordinary abilities.]_

Rey winces at the derogatory insult, and shudders at how he even knows anything about her abilities, but he continues, unaware of her paling face. _[The Palpatine Lab has a keen interest in your sort, I think you would be an asset to our company. Would you be willing to come in for some testing? We would pay you handsomely.]_

 _[No! Thank you]_ Her signs are firm and her chin trembling.

He takes her hands roughly and presses a business card into her palm. _[Think about it, you could probably use the money-]_

 _[I said no thank you!]_ She pushes the card back on him, shrinks away from his form. She grips the button on her arm rest for a long beat.

An icy grip yanks her hands forward and he signs roughly, _[You’re a fool to turn down this opportunity, not many people get this honor!]_

_[Leave me alone!]_

“Sir! You can’t be in here!” Poe is at the door, his voice booms with a finality. Anger flares in his chest when he sees the spindly man looming over Rey. She’s trembling and her complexion is blanched.

Dr. Hux jumps up, shaking like a leaf. “Captain, this young woman just insulted me!” He squeaks, eyes wild.

A vein pulses on Poe’s forehead. Judging by Rey’s crumpled form, that’s a lie. He moves between the man and Rey. “Get. Out.” His voice is low and coarse. Gripping Dr Hux's arm he escorts him from the compartment and closes the door on his bitter expression.

Poe turns to Rey, she’s in tears. Rushing to her side, he uses the signal, _[It’s me]_ She leans into his hand as he wipes her tears. _[Are you ok?]_

 _[No.]_ She’s shaking.

 _[Come here.]_ He gently guides her into him. Warming her with his embrace as she tucks her head into his neck. She breathes deep breaths as he brushes her back.

When her breathing evens he gently pulls back to ask _[Can you tell me what happened?]_

Shaking her head, she burrows back into his chest. He holds her for a long while. Confusion and anger swell in him. Who was that man? What did he want with Rey? Her face had been so pale it was practically transparent. Poe has a terrible feeling, and presses her closer.

* * *

Poe is desperate to know what happened, and to protect Rey. He quickly asks his first officer, Snap, to take over for the rest of the flight, he agrees without hesitation. Poe can always count on Snap. Returning to Rey’s compartment he gently wraps his arms around her, she rests against his side. His warm presence is grounding and reassuring.

_[When you’re ready, will you tell me what happened?]_

Color is returning to her cheeks with the help of a hardy first class meal. She nods, steadying her breath.

_[That man was Dr. Hux, he works for a company called ‘Palpatine Enterprises’. They find people, like me, blind and deaf, and they run tests on them. It’s government funded. I was approached by them once before. Because my sight and hearing are absent, my other senses are overly heightened. They wanted to explore the potential.]_

She paints a picture of a childhood experience:

_Dr. Pryde’s long fingers sign into her hands, [When you enter the room, find all the animals with internal bleeding. Then we will give you your next instruction.]_

_Twelve year old Rey nods, trembling slightly. An iron grip lands on her shoulder and walks her through a door. When she enters, something soft brushes her leg. She bends down, her fingers find a snuggling cat. It nuzzles her hand. She laughs and smiles as she strokes the soft fur. A sharp hand grabs hers and signs [Stay focused!]_

_She tenses at the rough movement and then returns to the cat. Her hands glide along its body, she makes a few passes before her senses start to prickle. A feeling pulls her awareness to her finger tips, the warmth beneath the fur moving and shifting, radiating something. She pauses over a spot that exudes energy, pulsing rapidly. There, beneath the soft coat, the thick skin, the sinews, she can feel it: A leak of blood, clotting and coiling around an organ._

_[This one, he’s bleeding inside.] She gestures to the cat._

_[Very good, now find the rest.] Dr. Pryde is urgent, not gentle at all._

_She moves about the room, feeling each cat, sensing if the ailment is present. Eight cats later and she found all four, dreadfully ill with internal bleeding._

_[I found them all,] She signs cheerfully, [What’s next?]_

_[I’m going to inject them with a serum, tell me what you feel.]_

_He presses a kitten into her hands. She holds it gently, feeling a syringe enter the small form. The kitten tenses and squirms, it’s in agony. Rey gasps holding it close. The little heart inside the creature flutters, speeding up, it mews, but she can’t hear it. The spot where it’s bleeding internally rapidly pulses, it’s getting worse, losing too much blood all at once. The gentle pounding of its heart slows, grows sluggish and then it stops. Falling limp in her hands, the warmth of the little beast is swiftly fading. The head sags and a little pink tongue droops out the mouth._

_Rey shrieks and cries, clutching the body close._

Rey is crying as she tells the story. She had refused to follow through with the other cats. When she didn’t do what Dr. Pryde wanted, she was placed in a small room, alone, with no windows. 

When Luke came to pick her up, he found her sobbing. He was furious and immediately removed her from the program. 

Tears leak out of Poe’s eyes as she finishes. He gathers her close and kisses her head. His touch soothes her.

 _[I’m so sorry Sunshine,]_ He wipes her tears away in between the signs _[You never have to go back! I would never make you do anything like that.]_

 _[I know.]_ Even when she’s crying, her smile is staggering and brilliant like the sun.

 _[We don’t have good luck on planes, do we?]_ He chuckles, then gently frames her face, resting his forehead against hers.

 _[We really don’t!]_ She laughs.

He plants a soothing, lingering kiss in her forehead and wraps her up again in his arms. The gentle pressure of her form resting against him is making his heart accelerate. A sweet smile and a bright color play in her cheeks. Poe wonders just how much she can sense; he progressively feels more transparent each time he learns something new about her. It makes him tremble with fear and something else.

* * *

Poe raps lightly on the door. When it swings open, his breath snags in his throat. Rey is radiant in a red, knee-length dress. The fabric is a flowing crepe and it ripples in the setting sun. Her hair is tamed into sweet waves and a pop of color sits on her full lips. 

His hand scoops around her ear and pulls gently, feeling the need to be extra delicate.

 _[Flyboy!]_ As she hugs him, a waft of fresh flowers floods him. She’s wearing a perfume and it’s making his caveman instincts ignite. When she lets him go, he staggers.

Luke smiles and waves from inside the house “Bye kids, have fun! I’ll be asleep when you get back, cuz I’m an old fart now! He laughs at himself.

The restaurant is walking distance from the house. Chosen especially based on the fact that the food is recommended by Luke, and they have a braille menu for Rey. Every so often, a handful of Poe’s pilot friends get together, he invited Rey to come and meet them. A few weeks have passed since the incident on the plane. 

It’s crowded inside, Rey gets bumped as they pass through. Poe’s hand comes to guide her at the small of her back, warmths spreads up her spine from the spot.

He steers her to a roomy booth by a window. Poe’s friends trickle in, they introduce themselves using sign language. They were instructed, beforehand, by Poe, how to sign their names. Rey is delighted by this.

Snap and Kare sit across from Poe and Rey. Jess comes next, and Iolo pulls a chair and sits at the head of the booth. Each one wears a pilot uniform, including Poe, with varying stripes on their shoulders indicating rank.

Aside from the signing their names, no one in the group actually knows sign language, with the exception of Snap and Kare, they have a little experience. Poe signs into Rey’s hands to translate the conversation at the table. She’s thrilled by their stories. Poe is deeply grateful to his friends for being so accommodating and kind to Rey. 

“I have an idea!” Snap says excitedly, “While we wait for our food, let’s play a game!” He waits for Poe to translate to Rey, she nods excitedly. Snap laughs and his large tummy bounces.

“Let’s play the game ‘Ten Fingers’!” He says enthusiastically, the group agrees with grunts and whoops of anticipation.

 _[How do we play?]_ Rey asks. Poe speaks her signs to the group.

Snap explains the game: Hold up all ten fingers, each player takes a turn making a statement to the group starting with the phrase “Never have I ever.” Lower a finger every time a statement applies to you personally. Last one with the most fingers left over wins.

“And let’s make it a _clean_ game!” Poe adds. All nod in agreement. He glares at iolo who rolls his eyes playfully.

The liveliness of the groups is tangible. Each question sparking uproarious laughter. Rey likes to feel each person’s hands to see if a finger drops. 

“Never have I ever eaten a bug on purpose!” Jess declares. Rey hovers momentarily over each group of fingers. Kare lowers a digit, Rey giggles uncontrollably. 

Some questions warrant an explanation.

“Never have I ever peed my pants in public.” Snap chimes. Rey waits for Poe to translate and then brushes her hands over each set of fingers.

Poe slowly lowers an appendage and they explode with laughter. As a twelve year old, Poe attempted to impress a girl named Zorii and he got nervous and it didn’t go well. Rey is holding her sides as she squeals with laughter. The sound is like music to Poe’s ears.

“Never have I ever…. Been a member of the ‘Mile High’ club.” Iolo smirks. Giggles spread through the group, Poe glares, leveling Iolo with one look. Rey senses him tense.

_[Translate it, Poe, Please! What did he say?]_

_[No, Sunshine, he made an inappropriate statement]_ He’s gentle.

 _[Oh come on, please!]_ Rey begs, her eyes are pools of luminous light, pulling him in.

He’s helpless, he can’t say no. Sighing, he reluctantly translate’s Iolo’s words.

Rey snorts with laughter and eagerly passes her hands over the others at the table. Snap and Kare lower a finger each, understandable, being married and all. Jess proudly holds up her digits, unmoving. Iolo lowers three, and the group collapses into laughter. Rey’s hands come to rest on Poe’s, she glides over his fingers, she waits intently, but they hold strong, unwavering. 

_[I’m impressed, Flyboy]_ She smirks, and returns her hands to her lap. A deep blush seeping into her cheeks.

 _[Let’s see your fingers, Sunshine.]_ Poe is overcome with curiosity at her coy behavior. He gently pulls her hands up above the table. She spreads her fingers wide like jazz hands and dramatically lowers one slowly. The table shakes with laughter, Rey dives into Poe’s chest to hide her beet red face. 

_[I was in high school and it was a terrible choice!]_ She signs rapidly and then dives back in Poe’s chest.

He finds the whole thing amusing and endearing. The fact that she chose his arms to take cover in makes his chest puff a little higher. He can’t help himself when he plants a kiss in her hair.

They’re still laughing when the food arrives. Poe reluctantly extracts himself from Rey’s arms so they can eat, but she holds on to one of his hands under the table. This makes it pleasantly difficult for him to focus on the savory food. 

While they are munching happily, a cold set of eyes lock with Poe’s from across the restaurant. He pauses, a mouthful of food protruding from his cheek. It’s then he realizes, the man is staring at Rey. A rotten feeling leaks into his bones. Looking away quickly, Poe swallows hard. Rey perceives his uneasiness.

 _[What’s wrong?]_ She asks.

_[There’s a man staring at you from across the room.]_

_[It’s ok, Poe,]_ She shrugs it off, _[I’m a grown ass woman, I’m used to being stared at, I stick out like a sore thumb.]_ She giggles. 

But the eerie disquiet in his heart doesn’t relent. Rey knows it.

 _[Describe this man to me.]_ She signs under the table discreetly.

_[Long dark hair, sour face, pale complexion. Tall. Shaped like a Dorito on stilts.]_

Rey snorts _, [I don’t know him,]_ but she scoots closer to Poe, an unease filling her. _[Let’s ignore him and see if he goes away.]_

Poe’s arm protectively comes around her, she leans into his side comfortably, fitting in like a puzzle piece. His heart quickens at the resting place his hand chooses: her hip.


	4. The Pie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok so it's 4 of 5 chapters now! The fifth will follow this one!
> 
> We meet Finn and Rose! 
> 
> It's Rey's birthday! 
> 
> Poe coordinates with Luke, Finn and Rose for a special present!
> 
> A handful of close calls with vulnerability, albeit adorable, Poe shuts them all out.
> 
> All Rey wants is to know about Poe's scar. He has a powerful flash back, where we get a slice of the story!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> I changed the rating to T, because of Poe's PTSD.
> 
> -MOUNTAINS OF FLUFF, LOL
> 
> -Poe has a strong PTSD episode, if you want to skip the flash back, it starts with "“Dad! Dad, l-let me go" and ends with "he fights against him."
> 
> -Also, if you wish to skip the build up and the fallout of the PTSD episode, it starts with "when a sound pricks his ears to attention," and "she already knows too much."
> 
> -CLIFF HANGER ALERT!
> 
> This is the "shit goes down" chapter. Hopefully my foreshadowing pays off!

Outside the restaurant, they bid the crew farewell, Rey hugs each one, thanking them for a fun evening. Poe makes sure to speak her enthusiastic signs for the group to hear.

Snap reaches out and tucks her hair behind her ear then pulls on her lobe, copying Poe’s gesture that he saw earlier in the evening when Poe returned to the table from the men’s restroom. Rey freezes and shakes her head adamantly.

_ [Please don’t, only my Poe can do that signal, you’ll need to get your own.]  _ She takes a step closer to Poe so that their sides touch. His hand holds the small of her back automatically.

Poe’s heart skids and thunders loudly in his eardrums. Something inside him swells at the use of her sign ‘my.’  _ My.  _ He’s unconsciously raising his chest.

_ [I’m sorry, how about this?]  _ Snap is good natured, it doesn’t bother him that her reaction was so strong. He pinches her cheek and jiggles it. 

Rey giggles and nods. _ [That will work.] _

With warm heartedness and laughter, the others choose varying signals for Rey, this delights her deeply.

The group disperses, Rey turns to Poe and throws her arms around his neck; it’s a big hug, one of their longest yet. He welcomes it, feeling her warmth so close. When she pulls back,

the moon is casting a holy light around her, enhancing her effervescence. Beautiful isn’t the word, in fact there are no words worthy enough to name the quality of her existence in this very moment. He knows she is looking right through him. He hands rest on her waist. Bracing himself against the oncoming familiar fear--no vulnerability--before he loses his nerve, He leans in and gently presses a kiss on her cheek. She beams at him. He slings his arm around her waist and they walk up the street back to the house.

A deep tall shadow peels away from the dark mass of the wall, and follows them.

* * *

“Someone’s been practicing something for you!” Luke sings excitedly, he is scooting Rey towards the door as Poe is entering. Luke gives her a gentle shove and then steps back. Her lovely green flowing shirt waves in the breeze as Poe closes the door. 

Poe does the signal, sweetly wrapping his hand around her ear and pulling affectionately.

Rey ducks her head, a few wisps of hair fall forward from her top knot. A shy smile curves on her lips as his touch floods recognition into her face. She pulls in a shaky breath, a long moment passes. Poe clasps her hand to steady her.

A look of determination swells up her frame, although her eyes are grey and glassy, they radiate something vibrant, she looks up into Poe’s eyes.

“Bo Tameron!” She says triumphantly, beaming. Her clear voice ringing out in the small entryway, slightly echoing, sending a wave of something through the air; It hits Poe in his heart. 

She said his  _ name. _

_ [That was beautiful Sunshine, thank you!]  _ He signs enthusiastically, then pulls her into a hug, swinging her from side to side. Her hands press into his soft linen as she wiggles closer.

His chest is swelling and overflowing with the warmest most precious feeling. He doesn’t care that she scrambled the pronunciation. Apparently, she had practiced the whole week, holding her hand over Luke’s mouth as he said the name, again and again until she could replicate the motion. 

‘Bs’ and ‘Ps’ are created with similar lip movements, it’s unfairly adorable that she thinks his name is pronounced “Bo”. Similarly, ‘Ds’ and ‘Ts’ have the same problem. Hence the name ‘Tameron’ in place of ‘Dameron’. 

He loves it, even if she called him something more ridiculous, or spoke gibberish, he would love it; her voice is so disarming and sweet he could listen to it all day.

Luke excuses himself to run to the store.

_ [I brought something for you.]  _ Poe signs, once they’ve settled on the couch. Rey’s lower lip is caught between her teeth, she rubs her hands together in anticipation. Poe presses a small wrapped package into her hands. When she rips it open, a sweet aroma wafts through the air.

_ [What is it?] _

_ [This is crystalized candied fruit from Guatemala]  _

Rey tries a bite  _ [I love it!]  _ she hastily eats a few more.

Treats from all over the world have been brought to her door over the last few months. Millenium Airlines flies international as well as domestic. Among his sweet surprises, Poe’s brought her a Cheesecake KitKat, from Japan, Baci Chocolates from Italy, and even Lehua Honey ice cream from Hawaii. He somehow was able to keep it on ice until he arrived in Maine. He, Rey and Luke ate the whole gallon in a half hour, only to clutch their stomachs as they rumbled in protest.

Another perk of being a tenured Pilot; Poe can select specific flights. He finds himself flying to Maine more and more often; Poe doesn’t know why he does that, scratch that, he knows exactly why but he won’t open up about it, he’s too afraid. Despite his growing fear, he and Rey have grown close, comfortable with each other’s touch, out of necessity, for Rey, but also something else grows slowly, something unnamed, and Poe won’t name it.

_ [When are your guests arriving?]  _ Poe asks as she ravenously downs the sweets.

Today is Rey’s birthday, She’s invited her friends Finn and Rose to come celebrate and meet Poe.

_ [One hour!]  _ She signs excitedly, bits of crystalized sugar collect on her chin.

_ [Let’s save some of these for later, that’s enough sugar for now, young lady!]  _ He signs and then gently takes the package from her. His thumb brushes just under her lip, the sugar falls like snow off her skin, her ears burn red.

_ [Fine!]  _ She signs wistfully, still grinning  _ [Let’s go make the frosting for my cake!] _

The most pungent aroma bursts into Poe’s nostrils when they enter the kitchen. Rich chocolate cake is rising in the oven, forcing his mouth to water uncontrollably. 

He helps Rey gather the ingredients; mascarpone cheese, whipping cream, lemon zest, sugar and vanilla. 

Loading the mixer takes a few minutes, then it whirs to life, folding the ingredients into a perfect smooth consistency.

_ [You ever had a frosting with a mascarpone cheese base?]  _ Rey asks.

_ [Never! Seems a little weird to me.]  _

Rey snorts, flicks off the mixer and grabs a spoon. She ladles a heaping mountain up to Poe’s lips.

_ [That’s too much!]  _ He signs rapidly.

Rey pauses, then swipes the frosting with her hand and pushes it on to Poe’s mouth, smearing it playfully. Poe laughs with surprise, then his eyes narrow with gleeful revenge. Grabbing a handful of the sugary slop he rubs it on her face; she shrieks with mirth. This ignites a struggling whirlwind of giggles, each one applying more frosting to the other. Poe notes to himself that the frosting tastes quite good as he captures her waist and pins her to the wall.

Rey is giggling uncontrollably, Poe has one hand on her waist and one rubbing frosting into her cheek. His touch softens until he’s gently stroking her cheek. Unaware of it at first, his body temperature starts to rise, altering the chemical balance of his body in a forceful way. A prickling desire is creeping up, dragging a familiar fear with it. 

Rey is flushing under his touch; he’s about to pull away when she takes his hand gently from her face and closes her lips around his thumb, gliding some frosting off with her mouth. Poe’s breath and fear spike as she does so. He removes his hands as quickly and gently as possible, he can see her countenance fall slightly. She recovers, good-naturedly, as she’s done a handful of times before.

_ [When I was a child, I learned to recognize people by taste before I could sign. It was really awkward, I had to sort of suck on their wrists for a moment until I recognized them.]  _ She laughs, Poe does too.

_ [Would you like to know what I tasted just now?] _

With the chemical balance in his body returning, he signs  _ [Sure]  _ He welcomes her transition away from what just happened.

_ [Roasted chestnuts]  _

_ [I don’t know if I’ve ever eaten a chestnut, what do they taste like?] H _ e asks.

_ [Sort of like a sweet potato, but more earthy, we eat them every Christmas with red wine. It’s very good.] _

_ [I’ve never tried them, seems cool,]  _ Poe is secretly intrigued,  _ [Let’s get cleaned up]  _ and he pulls her to the sink.

* * *

A car rolls up a while later, Rey pulls Poe’s hand as she leads him to the door. Rose enter’s first, wearing a pink dress and grey sweater, her signal to Rey is to take her hands and swing them back and forth a few times. 

“Rey! Happy Birthday! I missed you so much!” Rose signs into her hands and then embraces her. Rey places a hand on Rose’s pregnant belly. 

_ [He’s growing!]  _ Rey bounces excitedly.

“You’re so convinced it’s a boy! I’m still keeping the gender a secret.” Rose chides endearingly.

Finn gently pushes Rose aside. “Out the way, Rose! Lemme hug my peanut!” 

Finn’s signal is gentle forehead bonk and a rough nose pinch. Rey jumps up and hugs him for a long moment, it looks like a rib crushing hug. He’s strong, his muscular frame is enhanced by his blue pants and his tan button up shirt.

_ [This is my Poe!]  _ Rey is animated as she pulls away and gestures to introduce him.

Poe is momentarily speechless as his brain short circuits at her use of the sign ‘my’ but he recovers.

“I’m Poe, Poe Dameron.” He offers his hand to each of them.

“Good to finally meet you, Poe!” Finn claps him on the shoulder with a warm hand. “We’ve heard a lot about you.”

“You have?” His voice goes up.

Finn reads his face and then adds, chuckling “All good things, man, chillax!’

Instantly, Poe likes Rey’s friends. Even though he has only communicated with them briefly, through Luke, to coordinate for Rey’s birthday present. They are warm and kind, and good to Rey. Poe loves that.

“Dinner is ready! All aboard!” Luke calls from the kitchen.

Oozing cheese and the tang of tomato fill Poe’s mouth with bliss. He closes his eyes as he sinks into the feeling. Each bite is a flawless blend of soft and chewy. Luke’s lasagna had been cooked to perfection. It bubbles, fresh out of the oven, filling the air with a sweet and sharp aroma. The edges slightly browned, forming crispy bits of mozzarella.

Poe designates himself the translator for Rey during the dinner time conversation. The discussions are lively and cheerful. He learns Finn is in the military, a marine, currently on R&R as his wife is shortly going to deliver a baby. Rose is a mechanic, but currently on maternity leave, as her due date is approaching rapidly.

Even though they are bursting at the seams, they make room for cake. As they sing Happy Birthday in the dark, with only the light of the candles illuminating their faces, Poe signs the words into her hands; as he does so, Rey raises a hand to his chest, feeling it reverberate with sound, she knows he’s singing. 

When the last note ends, Rey blows the candles out; in the momentary darkness, Poe clasps her hand to his chest and squeezes, brushing his thumb along her fingers. He let’s go as soon as the lights come up.

“So,” Finn starts, mouth full of cake, talking excitedly with his mouth open, “Rey, what is Poe’s color?”

Poe’s brow furrows as he translates to Rey, his curiosity is piqued and his anxiety waves.

_ [Finn wants to know what my color is, I’m not sure what he means, but I am very curious! Are there things you can see?]  _

Rey explains, _ [I can see colors, sort of. More like, my best guess at what I remember color to be. It’s like each person has a glow. It’s sometimes brighter when a person is happy. It’s helpful with distinguishing people. It only works if I’m rested and there’s nothing blocking my eyes.] _

_ [If you’re willing, will you tell me what colors we all have?]  _ Poe asks gently.

_ [Yes]  _ She blushes, but continues _ [Finn is a deep blue, a very strong color.] _

Finn straightens and makes a goofy proud face _.  _

_ [Rose is a bright pink, It’s a what I would imagine a neon pink to be like, a little overpowering.] _

A giggle passes through the group.

_ [Dad is light blue, like the sky.]  _

She pauses as she turns to Poe. Her eyes are soft but luminous. 

_ [And me?]  _ He’s afraid that her pause means something bad.

She’s blushing as she squeezes his hand under the table. Then she signs  _ [Yours is a shimmering Gold. It’s pulsing brightly right now.]  _ Poe’s voice trails off as he’s translating her signs. 

Rey smiles shyly. Poe’s heart is thundering in his chest.  _ Gold.  _ He’s honored and enraptured by her choice of words. He’s searching her face with wonderment, a smile is spreading on his lips. Gently squeezing her hand, she responds by brushing his knuckles with her thumb. 

Poe doesn’t notice the grin exchanged between Luke, Finn and Rose. Nor does he notice that they then sit quietly, in awe, watching a sweet exchange of fondness between Poe and Rey. Keenly aware that any notion of protecting his own vulnerability is slipping away, with each new detail he learns about Rey, Poe tries to stay in that moment, to let her look right through him, in the way that only she can. After a long beat his fear takes over and he slides his hand away. Rey’s face falls.

“Time for presents!” Rose transitions, loudly, clearly noticing the descent of Rey’s countenance. 

Poe translates and Rey nods eagerly.

A small package is placed into Rey’s hands. 

_ [This is from all of us,]  _ Poe signs, his nerves hike up and his breath with it. 

Slowly, Rey unties the package, and lifts a small device into her palm. Feeling for a moment, she brushes her fingers over it, forming an image in her mind, then gasps with delight,  _ [My braille phone!] _

Whoops and cheers rise up from the group. Rey throws her arms around Poe and kisses his cheek. While he sits stunned, Rey makes her way around the group, hugging each person, and then back to her seat next to Poe where she takes his hand under the table.

“Now I can bother you anytime I want!” Finn laughs, followed by the rest.

“Not that we don’t love texting your Dad!” Rose adds, pounding Finn in his arm.

Poe translates for Rey and she giggles uncontrollably. She scoots closer to him, and something inside him climbs higher. 

* * *

Long after Rose and Finn have left, embers crackle in the fireplace, Rey rests her head on Poe’s shoulder. Luke bids them goodnight and disappears upstairs.

_ [Did you have a good birthday, Sunshine?] _

_ [Yes! And I love my present! Thank you again!]  _ She nestles in closer to him, causing a cascade of uneven heartbeats in his chest, which he knows she can feel.

_ [There is something that I wanted for my birthday that I didn’t get.]  _ She adds, her face falling slightly.

_ [Tell me] _

_ [I want to know about your scar.]  _ Her face is serious and searching, but soft.

Poe turns to face her.  _ [No, Sunshine, I can’t, not tonight.]  _ He’s gentle but firm.

_ [Why not? I want to know. Please.]  _

_ [Because you would send me away if you knew.]  _ Poe’s eyes are sad and far away. He’s afraid he’s said too much.

_ [You don’t know that.]  _ She furrows her brow.  _ [Try me.]  _

_ [No, sweetheart, I’m sorry.] _

_ [Then at least let me feel it. Please!]  _ Her eyes are misting slightly. Poe can’t bear it when that happens.

_ [Ok, but only for a minute.] _

She raises her hands to his neck where the little tag of jagged skin sits; the tip of an iceberg that lives beneath his soft linen shirt. Holding his neck with one hand, she slips the other beneath the fabric. Rugged, uneven lumps meet her finger tips. Moving her hand back and forth she feels deep scars, and jagged cracks. The width and length is massive, spanning a good portion of his collarbone and shoulder. 

Poe braces himself against the swelling memory. Squeezing his eyes shut, phantom pain rises, burns, drags on his skin. His breathing picks up, he desperately tries to hold on, to lean into the soft warmth of Rey’s skin. After a minute, he gasps and gently pulls her hands away. Hot tears spill down his cheeks. 

_ [How much more do you know now?]  _ he asks, knowing full well she is looking into his soul.

_ [Only a piece.]  _ She signs tenderly and pulls his head to rest in her neck. 

He sobs softly and he lets her stroke his hair and brush his back.

* * *

The soft morning light spreads golden tendrils through the living room. When Poe enters he sees Rey, perched on the couch, in her red and green flannel pajamas. She's eating more of the candied fruit. His heart rate snowballs and he straightens his soft grey honeycomb fabric shirt. He climbs onto the couch and affectionately uses the signal to let Rey know he’s here.

_ [Have you had breakfast yet?]  _ He signs into her hands.

_ [No]  _ She giggles, mischief creeping into the corners of her smile. She rapidly returns to eating the rest of the candied fruit.

_ [Sweetheart, Let’s get you some breakfast, before you eat all this sugar.]  _ He signs and then playfully takes the package from her, he brushes the sugar off her lips and pulls her up. Burning red ears poke out of her soft waves.

_ [I dare you to cook me something!]  _ She grins because she knows full well that nothing compares to Luke’s food.

_ [Challenge accepted, I can make a mean omelette!] _

Poe marches confidently to the kitchen, Rey right behind him, her hands on his shoulders. There’s a sweet smell wafting from the oven; An unfairly beautiful blueberry pie is baking. Luke woke up at the crack of dawn to make it and is now at his work bench in the other room, tinkering with the hearing aids. 

Since Poe has been staying over in the spare room, he treasures these quiet mornings with Rey; hanging out in their pajamas, feeling lazy and warm.

Waiting with a wry smile and one eyebrow raised, Rey sits at the table playfully pre-criticizing the promised omelette with animated signs. 

Poe deftly adds the innards to the sizzling pan and folds the omelette closed, flipping it a few times for good measure. He smoothly delivers it to the plate and spins to bring it to Rey; in his hurry to impress her, he forgets to turn the burner off.

_ [Not bad]  _ her chin pushes up and she nods thoughtfully,  _ [Although the vegetables are slightly undercooked and it needs more salt.]  _ She rolls her eyes playfully, then adds  _ [A rookie mistake]. _

_ [Well at least I made us breakfast didn’t I!]  _ Poe signs sarcastically, then he takes his fork and stabs into the egg.

“Something smells good!” Luke strolls in, removes the pie from the oven and places it on the now empty burner to cool. “Mind if I try your creation? Omelettes are my favorite!”

“Not at all!” Poe says and then signs to Rey,  _ [Your Dad is about to try my omelette and complement me so good!] _

_ [We’ll see.]  _ Rey’s eyes narrow.

Luke chews thoughtfully for a moment then says “The egg is the perfect consistency but the vegetables are a little undercooked and it needs a bit more salt.” He’s tactful with the delivery.

_ [Your Dad says it’s the best omelette he’s ever had!]  _ As Poe signs to Rey, Luke belly laughs.

_ [Lies!]  _ She pulls Poe in to rumple his hair.

Luke is still laughing when he leaves the kitchen.

_ [What did he really say?]  _ She begs.

_ [The same thing you did]  _ He admits defeat.

_ [Thought so!]  _ She smirks.

Rey keeps one arm around him as they finish the meal together; His hand comes to rest around her waist. Poe is pleasantly eating, feeling her warmth seep into his side, when a sound pricks his ears to attention, a light popping and cracking. The sound intensifies; he stiffens, eyes wild, combing the kitchen searching for the source. 

Rey freezes at the change in him. She signs  _ [What is-]  _

CRACK!

Bits of ceramic and blueberry whip through the air. Poe rips Rey from the chair and they smash into the floor; he’s covering her. He feels the slush of the blueberries pelt his back along with sharp bits of the pie dish. Something in his subconscious reaches through the surface and yanks him under, he blacks out.

When he comes to, his body is limp over Reys; She’s shaking him and saying his name. 

“Bo, Bo, Bo!”

Poe gasps, his vision blurry, the tendrils of a memory claw into his mind, he’s trembling. He jerks away from Rey when he realizes he’s crushing her. 

“N-n-no, no, no, no!” His breath is scraping in desperate gasps, as he reaches for Rey’s face. Shards of the pie dish have dragged gashes through her temple and forehead. His hands are uncontrollably shaking; as he tries to assess the damage to her skin. 

_ [I’m ok, I’m ok!]  _ She clasps his wrists to steady him; she sits up, remarkably calm.

Poe can’t seem to smooth his breathing, it’s then he realizes he’s shaking with sobs. Images of the past keep blocking his vision, he blinks roughly, trying to shake it, but it overtakes him. Rey pulls him into her arms. 

Darkness envelopes him, neurons twist and release as the memory unfolds before him. 

_ “Dad! Dad, l-let me go, let me go!” Poe is thrashing, sobbing uncontrollably, as he is dragged from the blaze. _

_ “No Son! I’m sorry I’m sorry!” Kes is too strong for twelve year old Poe.  _

_ Hauling him a safe distance and collapsing on the grass, a deafening boom echoes and Poe screams until he is hoarse, his Dad blocking his path as he fights against him. _

Poe’s eyes crack open, swaths of sunlight are filling the living room. Warm arms hold him and Rey’s face comes into view. She smiles and cups his cheek. Luke is dressing his forehead, wiping off bits of blueberry.

“W-w-what h-happened?” Poe moans, a throbbing migraine makes him squint. He tries to sit up on the couch, but Luke pushes him down.

“You blacked out, scared us half to death!” Luke is pressing a cloth into Poe’s forehead and it stings.

“Rey, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry’.” Poe breaths as he signs it into her hands. And he traces the lacerations on her face. “I left the burner on, I’m so stupid!”

_ [It’s ok, I’m fine, really!]  _ She hugs him tight, kneeling next to him; he hugs her back, limply.

A hollow gnawing is growing in his gut. He’s still trembling slightly, the memory is still raw and it burns in his lungs. 

“I’ll make you some coffee.” Luke pats him on the shoulder and heads to the kitchen.

Poe swipes his hands down his face, something inside him clicks into place with a horrible churning, like night closing in, and then takes Rey’s hands  _ [I hurt you.]  _

_ [It’s ok, it was an accident]  _ She signs and holds his face tenderly, planting a kiss on his cheek.

_ [Please don’t, I need to leave.]  _ He sits up suddenly.

_ [What? Why?]  _ Rey is confused, she holds onto him.

_ [I knew this would happen, I let my guard down and I made a mistake]  _ He peels her off, he’s not gentle, there’s a coldness in his touch.

He walks to the spare bedroom to collect his things, stopping to steady himself on a shelf of pottery, his vision blurs and twists and he groans.

_ [Stop, you need to rest, what are you doing?]  _ Rey is urgent, she gently tries to guide him back to the couch.

Pulling himself free, he ignores her, rushing to his room, grabbing his bag and shoving items into it brutally. His mind is closing off her warmth--no vulnerability. The familiar fear is sickly comforting, drawing him deeper into darkness.

_ [What’s wrong? Why are you acting like this?]  _ Her eyes are filled with confusion and water, Poe has to look away. She’s gently gripping his arm  _ [Please, let me read you, what’s wrong?] _

He pulls her hand off, it’s rougher than he intends it to me. She gasps, hesitating, cradling her hand, and then runs to the kitchen. Guilt swallows him.

Poe dresses rapidly, throwing on his white linen shirt and brown pants. He hauls his bag to the door. Running from what’s in front of him, Poe’s specialty, escaping, hiding, stuffing it down, pretending it’s not there; his subconscious is ripped open now and he can’t risk hurting Rey again. She already knows too much.

Luke’s hand stops him at his shoulder, and he comes to block the door in front of him. Rey on his heels.

“Son, you’re in no fit state to be going anywhere.” His tone is firm but gentle.

“I can’t stay here,” Poe’s voice cracks, moisture spilling from his eyes, he rips Luke’s hand away.

“I’ve been in your shoes,” Luke stops him again, causing Poe to stumble, a surprisingly strong grip for an old man, “If you run from this, it only makes it grow.” Luke gives him a knowing look, Poe shrinks from it. 

Rey is sobbing softly, she reaches for Poe,  _ [You’re color is so faint, please stay.] _

_ [I can’t, I’m sorry]  _ He signs, it’s final and cold, he pushes her hands back, takes his bag and leaves.

* * *

Poe throws himself into his work, a familiar companion to his emptiness and pain. 

With no home to speak of, he flies all over the country, the world, trying to escape something that chases him with an uncanny speed. He has a handful of apartments around the U.S., mostly empty except a bed and a small fridge; nothing compared to the magical, aroma filled, cozy home he had with Rey and Luke. 

Sleep escapes him, shutting him out. It’s been four weeks. He doesn’t text her. She texted him at first, a few times a day, then it slowly tapered, he never responded. His heart aches and curses him for letting her go. Sweet, beautiful, Rey. Rey with her healing warmth, and her knowing eyes, her gentle touch when he signed into her hands. 

He tells himself this is for the best, to protect her, and himself. No vulnerability, no intimacy, no anything that would bring him close to another human being ever again. 

Rey texts him faithfully every day, clutching her braille phone to her chest, waiting to feel it vibrate, but it never does. She is cheerful for Luke but he knows his daughter, he sees her far away eyes. She often will sit on the porch alone, still as a statue, the autumn leaves floating over her feet or spinning in cyclones around her cane. Tears cloud her eyes, the colors of her Dad and friends are dimmed by the ache in her heart. 

* * *

One Autumn morning, it’s peculiarly warm out, a rare Fall day. Rey pulls on a cozy white, knit sweater and some leggings. She sips tea, seated on the porch, feeling the sun on her face. A tender warm hand wraps around her ear and pulls gently on her lobe. 

“Bo!” She springs up and wraps her arms around him, soft sobs erupt from her throat as she tucks her head into his chest.

He brushes her back and swings her from side to side. He feels taller than usual. A spike of heat and joy bubble up inside her. She gasps as she calms her breath.

_ [You came back!]  _ She signs excitedly.

_ [Of course I did!]  _ His hands are so warm as they sign into hers. She follows the movement affectionately, she missed it, though they feel different than before, longer fingers. Probably because it’s been a month since she felt them. 

_ [Come with me! Let’s go somewhere special]  _ he pulls her close.

She nods vigorously and holds onto him as he guides her to the car, his hand on her lower back making her secretly tremble as his warmth permeates her torso. 

Wiping her tears away, her breathing evens out; she holds his hand tight. The car rumbles to life and pulls out of the driveway. Turning her head to him, she focuses on his radiant color, expecting to see shimmering gold. Instead, as she concentrates, the air clears revealing an eerie green illuminating the space that he occupies. Her breath catches.

This is  _ not  _ Poe Dameron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A mascarpone base frosting is a staple with any birthday cake in my house, it makes the frosting super rich!
> 
> Tell me that lasagna didn't make your mouth water, lol!
> 
> Poe is hurting so bad! I wonder what will happen!
> 
> Three guesses on who the stranger is? Scratch that, make it one!
> 
> WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?


	5. The Taste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is still missing!
> 
> Luke calls Poe for help.
> 
> Father-Son esque bonding happens!
> 
> He redeems a favor owed to him by Leia. 
> 
> HE FINDS REY!
> 
> Does she recognize him? Is she ok? 
> 
> THERE WILL BE ONE MORE CHAPTER AFTER THIS!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:
> 
> There is an intense scene at the beginning where Rey escapes her captor. It's a bit violent, if this makes you uncomfortable, please feel free to skip the whole first section, up to the first break.
> 
> -Mountains of fluff
> 
> -Mountains of pining
> 
> -I chose not to have Leia and Luke be related in this.
> 
> -The artwork goes with the whole story, not just this chapter in particular.

The sinister green of the presence next to her pulses brightly. Rey struggles to keep her breathing even. Counting the bumps in the road and the turns, she knows exactly where they are in the City. 

At the next light, she rips open her door and sprints. With a mighty yank, she stumbles back, choking, the massive eerie green form has a hold of her sweater. She fights, pushing, shoving, kicking. Shrieks erupt from her throat as an iron grip wraps around her waist and pulls her back to the car. 

Roughly, she is smashed against the car, the door is thrown open and she is clinging to the edges of the door as her attacker tries to push her back in. A heavy hand is making her shoulder sink back little by little. Leaning her head to the side, she bites down on the fingers. Hard. 

A rotten disgusting taste floods her mouth, and then a wet metallic flavor. The hand shrivels back, and the grip on her loosens. Using all her strength, she grips the door for leverage and wields her legs in a powerful kick. She feels the ground vibrate as the heavy form thuds. 

She leaps into a run. Before she can get too far, one hand pulls her sweater and another hand closes around her neck but she digs deep into it with her nails, drawing blood in warm flowing threads. As the hands release her, shrinking back in agony, they mirror her clawing. Her sweater rips and blood stains her skin. 

Crying in pain she runs, and runs, and runs.

* * *

Cold sweat beads on Poe’s forehead, he bolts upright in his bed. He thought the nightmares were dwindling. After a flare up of his PTSD, they always settled after a week or two. 

Sitting up, Poe swings his legs over the side of the bed. He rubs his eyes, shaking and sighing, trying to level his breath. An ache in his heart had taken up residence the moment he left the Skywalker house four weeks ago. Most nights he cries himself to sleep, but he can’t give in, he has to keep moving. He misses Rey with a heavy agony that makes his chest feel hollow and cold. 

Should he go back? Would she even let him come back? Probably not after his little stunt. How could she ever want to be with someone who couldn’t deal with their past. He’s put off getting professional help for years. A nagging little voice in his conscience bubbles up to the surface every now and then, pointing him towards the light, towards help, towards healing. He can feel it now, sitting in the dark thinking of Rey. 

Sinking back into his bed, and uneasy sleep envelopes him. 

Poe’s eye’s crack open, but not from the morning light slanting in from the window. His phone is buzzing. Groaning, he slams a pillow over his head. The phone subsides and then desperately buzzes again.

“Go away! Whoever you are!” He croaks hoarsely.

He thanks sweet baby Jesus when it finally stops making that God-awful noise. Then it starts up again for a third time.

“Ugh!” He cries as he snags his phone. He gasps and gags when he sees three missed calls from Luke. Without thinking he dials back.

“Poe!” Luke answers, his voice urgent, “Listen, I’m sorry to bother you, but it’s Rey.”

“What happened?” Poe’s heart is caught in his throat.

“She went out yesterday and didn’t come back last night. I thought maybe that you had come back and the two of you were, uh, well, you know, uh….c-catching up.” Luke’s voice isn’t accusatory, it sounds almost hopeful. That’s weird.

“No! I mean, no I didn’t come back.” He’s thankful Luke can’t see his burning ears. “Did she take her braille phone with her?”

“That’s the thing, it’s here on the table, she usually brings it with her everywhere.”

There’s a long silence. Dread is falling like dew into Poe’s heart, collecting on every synapse and neuron in his brain. 

Luke continues, “I’ve asked all the neighbors, no one has seen her, I even called Finn and and Rose. No luck there either. I’ve got a really bad feeling.”

“This is my fault,” A heaviness weighs in Poe’s voice “I never should have left.”

“No, Poe, that’s not true.” Luke says, kind and warm.

_ Does she hate me?  _ He wants to ask. But something stops him. A resolve seeps into Poe’s heart filling him with a courage he is unfamiliar with but he likes. It burns brightly in his chest, pulling him forward.

The words are out of his mouth before he can stop himself. “I’m coming home, I’ll help you find Rey.”

He can hear Luke’s face lift on the other end of the phone.

* * *

Grabbing the first flight to Maine, Poe arrives that afternoon. Rey has not returned yet. Luke paces around the house and wrings his hands. When Poe opens the door, Luke runs to him and wraps him in a bear hug. It’s comforting and guilt inducing all at once.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry….I’m s-” He finds himself choking back tears but they burst through his eyes anyway. He’s expecting to be reprimanded, but Luke isn’t the resentful type.

“It’s alright Poe, it’s ok, I’m glad you’re here.” Luke’s hugs him in that fatherlike way. 

“This is my fault” Poe says into Luke’s wet shoulder, “I should have been here.”

“No, no, don’t think like that like, we’ll find her. We will.” He reassures. Hugging him for another long minute to let Poe collect himself, he releases him and they settle at the kitchen table with coffee. The autumn colors paint the kitchen in a warm glow. The coffee is hot and soothing, sharpening their minds as they make a game plan.

“I’ve called the police department, but they're taking their sweet time getting back to me.” Luke explains.

“Assholes.” Poe snorts.

“Agreed.” Luke scowls into his mug. 

_ Assholes.  _ A word that triggers his first meeting with Rey. The asshole stewardess who mistreated Rey was reported and fired, earning him a raise and a “favor” from the owner of the airline that he can cash in any time he needed. A light bulb spits into life in Poe’s brain. 

“I have an idea” A smile spreads on his lips. 

Poe dials his phone.

“Dameron, what can I do for you?” Leia’s voice is fierce and friendly at the same time.

“I need to cash in on that favor. Someone I care about is missing. I need eyes in the sky.”

* * *

Poe can hear the helicopters overhead as he combs the streets. Leia pulled out all the stops. Five choppers hover over the city, and the surrounding towns. 

The cold is closing in and it makes him shudder to think of Rey being alone in this weather. 

A surprisingly large group of volunteers assembled with the police department for the search; Rey is well known among the locals. The search began two hours after his call to Leia; she called the police department and expedited the process, using colorful language, much to Luke and Poe’s delight. 

Seven hours pass, the search continues in the dark. He’s shown Rey’s picture to hundreds of citizens, and asked every business and shopkeeper if they’ve seen her. He even approached every homeless person he happened upon. 

His voice grows hoarse from overuse. Turning over every stone in the city, shining flashlights in alleys, peering into manholes, even climbing in the sewer, Poe is relentless. It’s midnight and exhaustion threatens his limbs. A voice floats over the static of his walkie. 

“Dameron, my pilots need a break, we’ll start again at first light.” Leia’s voice is kind. “I’m sorry.”

“Please, I can’t stop.” He replies, regret twisting in his core. He can’t bear to think of Rey being alone, being lost, being cold. 

“Poe, listen to me,” Luke’s voice comes over the static, “We need to be rested, let’s go home, we’ll start early.”

“Copy that.” His voice shakes as he replies, hot tears trail down his cheeks.

* * *

Refusing to go to bed, Poe sits on the couch, hunched over the large model of the city, eyes raking every detail, trying to find a place he hasn’t searched yet.

“Rey wouldn’t want you to be exhausted.” Luke is coming down the stairs, his voice breaks Poe’s pensive reverie.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I just, I can’t stop.” He rubs his eyes, desperate to keep sleep away, he doesn’t look away from the model.

Luke comes to sit next him on the couch. A comforting hand rests on Poe’s shoulder.

“She doesn’t hate you, you know.” Luke’s voice is compassionate. “She told me after you left. She could never hate you, she wants what’s best for you.”

A bitter sorrow swells in Poe’s gut, fresh tears spill from his eyes. Grabbing him by the collar, Luke pulls him in for another bear hug.

“I need her.” Is all Poe can say, between sobs.

“I know. She needs you too.” 

Luke’s words hit him in the heart. 

_ She needs me?  _ The most curious feeling peers into the black night of his heart, it’s warm and bright, filling his soul with strength: Hope. 

A resolve is warming his chest as he says his next words, “When this is over, I want to get help….for me, for my past. I don’t want to run away again.” 

Luke smiles at him warmly when he pulls away, giving an encouraging squeeze to Poe’s shoulder.

They decide to stay up a little later to talk. Luke is a fabulous listener. The pair get along famously well, they even share a few laughs over Luke’s stories of Rey as a child. Poe can’t help but think he would love Luke as his father-in-law. After a few hours they resolve to get a little sleep before rising early to search for Rey again.

* * *

Poe’s sleep is fleeting, and disturbed, but he’s grateful for the few hours of rest. It’s 6:00am when his eyes flutter open. Wanting to waste no time, he dresses quickly in his grey chunky sweater and dark jeans. Luke is already awake, making breakfast in the kitchen. They eat in companionable silence. 

“Is there anyone else we can think of who she would have gone with?” Luke asks thoughtfully, as he finishes his eggs. “Any acquaintances or new friends?”

“Well there’s my pilot friends, but I doubt that she would go with any of them, they fly too often.”

In the silence, a stray thought sneaks through Poe’s mind, he grabs it, turning it over in the palm of his consciousness. 

After a pause he says, “There was a man on the plane, when I flew her home one time, he approached her, said he was from….Something Enterprises, what was it? P-polpoogeen, polputane, no that’s not right,” His brain cells are struggling to form the name, “P-P-Palpatine!”

“Palpatine Enterprises,” Luke echoes viscously. “They’ve always had a keen interest in her.”

“He said his name was Dr. Hux.”

“They have a whole fleet of doctors who do terrible things.” Luke growls.

“You don’t think they would have taken her?” concern flashing in Poe’s eyes.

“No, but they are master manipulators.” Luke has a far away look, “The lab is within an hour drive from here. I’ll go there first thing, then I’ll come back and join you on the search again.”

They finish eating hurriedly, Luke leaves before Poe, who wants to take one more look at the model of the city to make mental notes of the places he hasn’t checked yet.

Poe’s eyes rest on the little wooden carving of the ballpark stadium. A memory surfaces of his first time visiting the Skywalker house. 

“ _ [This is where Luke found me when I was a child]”.  _ Rey’s signs float up into his mind. 

A wild lightbulb flickers into the blazing life in his brain cells. Grabbing his jacket and his walkie, he leaves the house.

* * *

The helicopters peel through the sky overhead. Arriving at the dumpsters, Poe’s mouth is dry and his throat is constricted with worry. 

The sun is barely up, casting a hazing glow in the cold, shimmering dew falls on the steel of five massive dumpsters behind the ballpark. 

Following a gut feeling he throws open the top of the first one and climbs in. The odor is overpowering, filling his nostrils, he chokes on the stench.

“Rey!” He calls, knowing that she can’t hear him, but he pounds on the steel wall, making vibrations to call her attention if she is there. 

His footing is uneven on the bags of trash, making him stumble slightly. He starts digging, throwing bags over his shoulder. 

Nothing.

Four more dumpsters to check. He pounds and rattles each one, delving deep, ripping bags as he tosses them to the side. 

One more dumpster to go.

Poe scales the side and jumps in. Hammering the metal of the wall, causing great clangs and tremors to thunder and echo. 

He hollers “Rey! Rey!” Almost pleading. He burrows through the pile, losing steam, growing weak, hurling the dark plastic sacks left and right. Sinking onto the heap of trash, he catches his breath. His face falls in his hands.

Rey is not here. 

He moves to climb out, as he does so a light rustle of plastic quivers in the corner. Moving slow, so as not to startle whoever or whatever it is, he makes his way towards the trembling bag. 

Gently lifting it away, he sees her.

“REY!” He gasps. His heart thrashes in his ears at the sight. Emaciated, and pale, she’s shaking, shivering with hypothermia, dried blood stains her once white sweater. She’s holding herself tightly, trying to keep warm.

“Oh my God, Rey!” He moves in close, gently using his signal, his hand comes around the ear and pulls on the lobe.

She inhales sharply, eyes wild, ripping his hand away. Standing, backing into the wall, her breath is rasping.

“It’s me, Rey, It’s ok,” He says urgently as he tries to take her hands gently to sign in to them but she pushes him back. 

He stumbles, falling down. Terror flashes in her eyes, her breath is gulping in small bursts. Hot tears cloud her eyes. She can’t see his golden color.

Then it dawns on Poe, she thinks he’s  _ someone else _ . 

He staggers to his feet. She knows what his scar feels like; the one unique marker he has only let her touch a few times, is now the only means of identifying himself. He has to try; clasping her hand, he attempts to place it on his scar but she thrashes against him, hitting and pounding with her fists.

“Rey, don’t fight me, it’s me, it’s me!” He desperately tries to pull her hand to feel his neck. 

Her nails dig into his hand drawing blood. Groaning at the pain, he doesn’t stop. 

“It’s me, it’s your Poe, please sweetheart, feel my scar, it’s me!” His voice is emotion-choked.

Her flailing grows more violent, Poe gets kicked and shoved. He’s trying to hold her still. He pins her to the wall; he winces at the sound of her slamming against the metal, it’s so much more rough than he wants it to be. She cries out in agony, his heart writhes in torture at the sound.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart,” He cries, but she can’t hear it. 

An instinct fills him, if she can’t see, hear or feel, that leaves one option. Praying that it works, he closes the distance between them, pressing his lips into hers. It’s not the kiss he had in mind for her, in fact, it doesn’t resemble a kiss at all, it’s more of an aggressive collision. Not passionate, not tender, just a rough smash and then he holds it steady.

She screams against his lips for a long moment, pushing and shoving against him, until his taste fills her mouth.

Chestnuts.

She falls slack when she tastes it; recognition flooding her. 

“Bo!” She sobs when Poe pulls away

He wraps her up in his arms, as they sink to their knees onto the trash.

“Sweetheart! It’s me, it’s your Poe, I’m here, I’m here!” Hey says, Sobs shake them both. 

She presses her face into his chest. He’s gripping her so tight, he’s worried she’ll bruise. Her hands fist and knead into his jacket, his face is in her hair. She’s gasping and wheezing. 

He manages to sign into one of her hands while keeping her close at the same time.  _ [It’s me, your Poe. Breathe, sweetheart, match my breath.]  _

Keeping his lungs steady, he pulls air in and out slowly for her to follow. He rubs circles into her back. Holding on to each other for a long time, Poe plants kisses on her head repeatedly. Her breath picks up now and then in gasps, as sobs overtake her.

“Sssh, breathe, sweetheart, I’ve got you, you’re safe.” He whispers as he signs into her hand as he keeps her close, so close. 

Her breath slows eventually, but she’s shivering with hypothermia.

Gently he peels back, and holds her face. 

_ [Don’t let me go]  _ She’s shaking as she signs.

_ [I won’t, sweetheart]  _ He signs, then kisses her forehead several times. Wrapping his jacket around her shoulders he clasps her hands and helps her up, pressing her close. 

She’s weak and unsteady. He helps her climb out of the dumpster and carries her to his car. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter after this! I CANNOT wait! 
> 
> Poe's past will be revealed!


	6. The Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's slow it down with a sweet ending!
> 
> Rey is home!
> 
> Does Poe stick around?
> 
> Does he open up about his past?
> 
> Does he freakin' KISS HER ALREADY? I sure hope so. Judging my the chapter title, it doesn't look like it. lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:
> 
> -Poe's past is traumatic, if this is uncomfortable for you, please feel free to skip it. The whole memory is in italics. It starts with [We have a surprise for you mijo!] and ends with "dragged from the blaze."
> 
> -PINING
> 
> -FLUFF
> 
> -EXTREMELY PASSIONATE AND WELL DESERVED KISSES
> 
> All comments are welcomed, cherished and appreciated, given the changes on A03 at this time! <3  
> no pressure though, as always!

“She has hypothermia, we need to keep her warm as soon as we get back.” Poe finishes the call with Luke as he’s driving, then takes Rey’s hand, she holds on, shivering.

When they arrive at the house Poe carries her inside, Luke is waiting at the door. Poe delivers her to Lukes arms; he wraps her in a warm blanket, kneeling in the small foyer. 

“Rey! You’re home, you’re safe!” Luke is crying as he rocks her gently. He pulls Poe in and embraces both of them. The three of them stay like that, swaying and crying, for a long time. Eventually Poe carries her to the kitchen where he holds her while Luke prepares soup and hot liquids to warm her. 

Poe is washing her face with a warm wet towel. Wiping away smudges and dried blood. Rey holds on to him, leaning in to his hand. Gently dabbing at the scratches on her neck, she winces as the solution stings her.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, almost there, just a little more.” He finishes and takes her hands, _[all done, they look much better now.]_

Rey nods and hugs him tight burying her head in his chest. He pulls the blanket tight around her.

Luke brings over a steaming bowl of the most heavenly soup. But she won’t let go of Poe.

 _[Time to eat, sunshine, you haven’t had any food in three days.]_ Poe signs.

But she just holds on to him. 

Poe gently peels her off and replaces himself with Luke. She reluctantly obliges. Still shivering too much to hold a spoon, Luke tries to ladle a tiny bit into her mouth but she shakes her head. He waits a minute, blowing on the spoon and tries again but she turns her head away.

“Bo!” She’s reaching for Poe. Guilt floods him, he looks at Luke, but Luke isn’t the jealous type.

“Here, take her, she needs you.” Luke detangles himself and replaces the space with Poe, handing him the spoon.

Poe gathers her close and signs into her hands, _[Sunshine, you need to eat, can you have a little soup please?]_

_[My stomach is in knots, I can’t.]_

_[How about just two bites? It doesn’t feel like it now but it will help you. Can you do it for me, please?]_ he signs tenderly and kisses her forehead.

_[Ok, just two bites.]_

He ladles one and she gingerly takes it, swallowing hard.

_[Good job, sweetheart. One more.]_

But she shakes her head and hides her face in his chest. He wraps her in his arms, and lets her take a break for a minute. When her breathing begins to slow and match his own he tries again. It takes much coaxing and forehead kisses but she eats the whole bowl. 

* * *

The day is spent caring for Rey. Eventually her warmth returns and the hypothermia subsides. When Poe let’s go of her for any reason, she urgently asks where he’s going. A deep guilt sinks into his heart because he knows exactly why she is so concerned. Poe knows he eventually needs to talk to her, but he waits patiently until they are alone. 

Enough of her strength returns for her to take a shower and put on her flannel pajamas. Poe uses that time to get himself cleaned up in the guest bathroom; Rey won’t let him out of her range of touch for more than a few minutes. 

After dinner, Rey sits on the couch with her legs slung over Poe’s lap. He keeps one arm around her and the other hand on her knee. The men have patiently waited until Rey is ready to share what happened. She begins slowly, explaining each detail. Crying sometimes, or needing a break to catch her breath in Poe’s chest. 

_[How did you know where I was hiding?]_ She asks Poe after she finishes. 

_[I remembered you said that’s where Luke found you when you were a child.]_ Poe signs, then asks _[How come you didn’t just come home? Why hide?]_

 _[I was afraid the imposter would take me again.]_ She shudders.

“How do we catch the imposter?” Luke asks the group. Poe translates for Rey.

 _[We don’t have a description other than he was tall and his color was green]_ Rey signs regretfully. _[I don’t even know if it was a He or a She.]_

Poe holds one of her hands. As he brushes his fingers along hers he notices some dried blood under her nails. 

_[Did you scratch the person?]_ He asks.

_[Yes, when I escaped. Why?]_

_[You might have some of their DNA under your nails.]_

“I’ll collect some of it and get it tested first thing tomorrow.” Luke claps his hands together and disappears, when he returns, he picks the flaky dried bits of blood out from under nails into a plastic bag.

“I’m turning in early tonight, Pumpkin. Something tells me you two need to talk.” Luke says gently, and kisses Rey on the cheek.

Poe swallows hard, his mouth is dry. But takes a deep breath and translates for Rey, she nods.

Luke takes a blanket and drapes it over Poe and Rey.

“Stay with Rey tonight.” Luke says gently.

“Are you sure?” Poe is honored and feeling unworthy at the same time. He shifts awkwardly to show he’s willing to obey orders to separate, but Luke holds up his hand.

“Yes, I’m sure.” He smiles warmly to reassure Poe, “She might wake up disoriented, that can happen sometimes after traumatic events.” 

Poe manages to nod, and gulps as Luke heads upstairs.

Luke just left his daughter in Poe’s care _for the night,_ and without thinking twice about it. Feeling a ridiculous sense of pride and protectiveness that makes his chest puff out stupidly, he adjusts his embrace around Rey, and she moves in closer. They snuggle for a while matching their breath. Poe strokes her hair and she spins little circles with her fingers into his chest.

 _[Are you going to leave again?]_ She asks, worry crossing her features.

 _[No, I’m not going to run anymore.]_ He signs tenderly. _[I never should have left, I know it hurt you.]_

 _[It did, but I understand why you had to go.]_ She signs, kind and reassuring, but a sadness lingers in her features.

 _[I was a fool to leave. I am so sorry, please forgive me?]_ Poe is very serious, _[And….I missed you. So much.]_

 _[There is nothing to forgive! I missed you too!]_ Her smile is bright again, blinding even. She hugs him while fresh tears fall and join each other as they press their foreheads together. Crying softly, holding each other, smiling, a wholeness is returning to his chest. Several moments pass as they savor the reunion.

Poe kisses her forehead and takes a deep breath, and then. _[I’m ready to tell you about my past, if you’re willing to know.]_

 _[I have always been willing.]_ She signs and then squeezes his hands reassuringly.

His breath is becoming shaky, this is vulnerability territory. He hasn’t ventured here for a long time.

_[I’m scared, Rey.]_

_[I am with you.]_ She presses a kiss into his hands _[There is nothing you could say, that would make me send you away.]_

 _[Ok.]_ He summons his courage.

She holds his hands, as he steadies himself. Closing his eyes, he digs down deep, summoning the memory that he’s pushed away for so long. It crawls to the surface of his mind, kicking up the darkness as it comes into view; dragging up terror, flames, death, screams, loss….

Poe begins to sign into Rey’s hands:

_[We have a surprise for you mijo!] Shara’s eyes are bright with excitement._

_[What is it?] Twelve year old Poe can hardly contain himself. He’s bouncing in place uncontrollably._

_[Your father and I got you something special for your birthday this year.]_

_“Yes we did! It’s in the garage, let’s go see it!” Kes declares and signs cheerfully._

_Poe covers his eyes and his parents lead him to the garage. They count down from three and Poe gasps. In front of him is the Cessna Skycatcher. Something he’s only dreamed of owning._

_“YOU GOT ME A PLANE!” He yells and whoops and then throws his arms around his parents._

_“Thank you thank you thank you!” He keeps repeating and signing for his mom._

_[It’s a used model, a little beat up, but we can fix it up together and when you’re old enough you can take your first flight.] Shara smiles warmly._

_Beat up is an understatement, but Poe doesn’t care. He loves it! The paint is chipped, the engine is in pieces and the wings aren’t even attached, they lean on the side of the cockpit precariously. They couldn’t afford to buy a new one._

_[I love it! When can we start?] He’s still bouncing uncontrollably._

_[Right now if you like?]_

_[Yes!]_

_Most of the day is spent repairing the Skycatcher. Rewiring, re-welding, fastening, tightening bolts, polishing. Kes brings them food, and they munch cheerfully as they work, laughing and dreaming of flying. Poe blinks and It’s 10:00pm and they still have a long way to go._

_[Mom, I’m getting tired, I think I need to go to bed, can we start early tomorrow?]_

_[Yes, of course mijo!] She hugs him and kisses his head. [Run along and I’ll stay up a bit more, I want to work on the compressor.]_

_[Good night Mom,] He kisses her cheek and runs inside, skipping as he goes._

_Poe jerks awake to the smell of smoke and a distant screeching of metal. A terrible feeling unfolds in his gut. He races into his parents room, and shakes Kes awake._

_“Dad, wake up, wake up!” Poe shakes him until he stirs, then he looks around wildly, “Where’s Mom?”_

_They race to the garage, throwing the door open, Poe’s stomach plummets into the floor. The garage is in the flaming blaze. Shara is pinned by one of the wings. It fell from it's precarious perch on the cockpit. The flames haven’t reached her yet._

_“Shara!”_

_“Mom!”_

_Rushing to her side, they notice a steady flow of fuel spilling from the engine, it’s inching towards the flames and towards the drums of fuel in the corner._

_“Honey, don’t move, we have to get this off you.” Kes signs quickly._

_Using their shoulders, Kes and Poe heave and heave but it doesn’t budge. The smoke stings their eyes and they cough erratically. Oil is now dripping on the wing, dampening Poe’s left shoulder and neck, but they keep pulling. Shara bangs loudly on the wing to get their attention._

_[Stop! Look! The fuel! You have to go now!]_

The puddle of fuel is less than a foot from the drums, flames not far behind.

_“I’m on not leaving you!” Kes cries, coughing in the smoke, and signs adamantly._

_[You have seconds! Don’t be a fool! Our son needs to live.] Tears stream down her face._

_Poe watches as Kes takes her face in his hands and kisses her deeply. [I love you!] He signs, distraught and sobbing._

_[I love you too. Now get him out of here.]_

_“What? No, NO!” Poe screams as his Dad grabs him. He thrashes causing Kes to stumble to the ground. Poe returns to the wing and pulls with all his strength. A stray spark collides with the oil on the wing and a flash of heat and agony ignites on Poe’s shoulder. Screaming and crying Poe flails, Kes grabs him, patting out the flames and dragging him away. Through the smoke Poe sees his Mom smile at him._

_[I love you, mijo.]_

And then the flames engulf her.

_“NOO!” Poe is screaming, “Dad! Dad, l-let me go, let me go!” Poe is thrashing, sobbing uncontrollably, as he is dragged from the blaze._

_“No Son! I’m sorry I’m sorry!” Kes is too strong for Poe._

_Hauling him a safe distance and collapsing on the grass, a deafening boom echoes and Poe screams until he is hoarse, his Dad blocking his path as he fights against him._

By the end, Poe is sobbing and shaking. Years of built up emotion now set free. Rey gently pulls him in, and they fall back, lying on the couch, she holds him tight; It’s her turn to comfort him. He’s half on top of her with his face pressed into her neck. She strokes his hair and rubs his back. She doesn’t sign anything, but her touch is comforting and soothing. He holds onto her as the dam breaks.

Poe’s emotions are raw and his nerves are frayed, the memory so fresh like it was yesterday. Somehow the darkness doesn’t swallow him. He’s ripped open and bleeding and yet he’s lighter, less afraid. The load of pain feels less. One step towards something he knows he wants and needs.

He doesn’t know how much time passes, it feels like hours. Rey holds him close. When his sobbing subsides, he matches her breath, following the motion in and out, in and out, like soft waves on the ocean. He’s never been pressed so close to her like this before, her warmth is permeating him. Feeling afraid and exposed, he’s in over his head, in this territory of vulnerability, but he holds on to Rey. She doesn’t run away, doesn’t send him away, just holds him.

He gently pulls back to sign _[Thank you. I haven’t told anyone the whole story since I was young.]_

 _[Thank you for trusting me.]_ Rey smiles a brilliant smile. _[How do you feel?]_

_[Free. Scared. Warm.]_

Warm indeed, as he watches her eyes twinkling and with their legs tangled. They stay like that, warm and entwined. Rey asks questions to fill in the gaps of the story and Poe opens up, still afraid but more confident. They stay up signing for hours. Sometimes crying, sometimes laughing, and sometimes just being still holding each other.

Rey brings him water, he must have cried a gallon. He misses her warmth the moment she gets up to go to the kitchen. When she returns, they take a seated position, but Poe leads her in close, determined to feel the connection again. Rey doesn’t mind one bit, she blushes and nestles into his chest.

_[Tell me something] She signs, [Is your Dad still alive?]_

_[Yes, he is.]_

_[You never talk about him, how come?]_ Her eyes are searching and curious.

_[I alienated him, after Mom died. I blamed myself for her death and I couldn’t stand being around him because of my guilt.]_

_[I’m sorry.]_ She looks thoughtful for a moment, _[I could come with you, you know. If you wanted to see him.]_

Poe sits with that for a long moment. 

_[I need to think about it. I haven’t seen Dad for years.]_

_[Ok] She nods._

They sit in silence for a while. Poe strokes her cheek, she takes his hand and kisses his scratches tenderly.

 _[I’m so sorry I hurt you when you found me]_ She signs, fresh tears fall onto his skin as she presses his hand to her face. His thumb gently brushes her lips.

 _[I hurt you too]_ He signs with his other hand.

 _[You had no choice, I was ready to kill until I knew it was you.]_ She rests her forehead against his.

 _[That wasn’t the kiss I had in mind for you.]_ He sighs, regretfully.

_[What did you have in mind?]_

He hesitates, on the edge, he’s in so deep over his head. This vulnerability thing is so new, and so scary. 

Rey can sense him hesitating. She grins, _[Did I sign-stutter? I said what did you have in mind?]_

Courage overtakes him. 

_[This.]_ He replies, chuckling at her grin, and he pulls her into his lap so she straddles him.

Tenderly gripping her thigh, he can feel warmth spread from the spot. Shivers ricochet up her spine as he pulls her close, her breath snags and mingles with his, their lips molecules apart. 

A hand comes to warm her neck, pressing his fingertips in. She waits patiently for him to move in. 

He nuzzles her nose softly, she hums at the feeling. That sweet sound is logged away carefully in Poe’s brain. A familiar fear is trying to creep in but Rey’s warmth blocks it out, banishes it. Her hands rest on his chest, one slides up to find his scar. But he doesn’t pull away, not this time, he leans into her touch, the blooming heat enveloping a painful memory, until it dissolves. 

He closes his lips around hers, and they sink into a loving blissful free-fall. He guides her onto her back, earnestly blending the kiss from tender to passionate. Pressing his warm tongue into her mouth, she moans softly. 

One of his hands threads into her hair, stroking his thumb into her cheek, the other kneads into the soft skin of her waist. Letting his body cover her, she slides her hands underneath his shirt sending shivers through his core. Between his mouthfuls of her lips and neck she sighs his name softly like it’s a prayer. “Bo.” Poe swears it’s the most beautiful sound. 

* * *

They sleep entwined, his arms around her, nose to nose on the roomy sofa. Most of the night passes peacefully, dreamless and warm, with a soft blanket enveloping them. 

Luke was right, Rey wakes up twice, disoriented, thinking she’s back in the dumpster. When he senses her panic at the strange arms around her, Poe gently soothes her with his lips, until she can taste him and she drifts back to sleep.

In the hazy grey of the morning, Luke tiptoes downstairs. Upon seeing the pair comfortably woven together in a blissful sleep, he smiles fondly, pats himself on the shoulder and heads to the kitchen.

A soft pink of the sunrise blends to a gold and warms the room. As his eyes peel open, Poe smiles at the peaceful rhythm of Rey’s breath. A mouth watering aroma is floating in from the kitchen, Luke is already up, making breakfast. The sound of batter being whisked and bacon sizzling ripples through Poe’s ears.

He absentmindedly brushes his thumb against the soft fabric of Rey’s pajamas, warming her back.

She stirs, scrunching her face adorably against the morning light. She feels Poe close and she smiles.

 _[Did I wake you?]_ He asks.

 _[No, I think the smell of breakfast did.]_ She smiles and can feel Poe chuckle and vibrate the couch slightly.

A loose strand of her hair falls away from the rest and covers her eyes. She laughs softly and Poe tucks it back, caressing her cheek as he does so.

Rey hums at the feeling and then furrows her brow, _[We need to get you a new signal, since the imposter stole yours.]_

 _[Well it could be a kiss,]_ Poe signs, then pulls her in close and kisses her sweetly. _[And you could feel my scar too.]_ He guides her hand up to his neck.

She hums and nods as he envelopes her in a deeper kiss.

* * *

Poe is so nervous, his sweater is making him sweat man bullets. The crackling embers in the fireplace aren’t doing him any favors either. Respecting his reasons for not opening up, Rey sits contently, tucked into his side, the colorful lights on the tree play in her eyes as she laughs at Poe’s translations of what he sees each person receiving when they open their gifts. 

Luke comes to sit on Rey’s other side.

 _[This one is from Luke.]_ Poe signs gently into her hands.

Finn and Rose silently watch. Rey feels Luke attach something little and hard to her ear. There’s a crackle and a pop and then a rush of sound, whooshing in, filling her ear drum. The light hissing of the fire, the wind whipping the snow outside, the rustling of wrapping paper being ripped by Rose’s newborn, and breath. She zooms in on Poe’s jagged breath, he’s nervous. _Wish he would tell me why._ She thinks to herself. 

Luke’s voice breaks in, clear and warm. “Hi pumpkin, it’s me, Dad.” 

She gasps, Then carefully forms the sound with her lips. “Dad.” Tears are filling her eyes and she reaches for Luke, he wraps her in a hug and speaks softly to her ear.

“Merry Christmas, Rey. I love you. Poe has something he wants to ask you.” Luke says and signs. She hasn’t heard any spoken language since she was child, feeling the signs as the words are spoken helps her remember. 

Luke passes her gently to Poe, who gathers her up close, pressing his face into her hair.

“It’s me, Poe.” His voice catches as he speaks, he’s already crying after watching her reunion with Luke. Rey gasps again, as she hears Poe’s honey tone voice. Fresh tears spill out of her eyes.

His throat is filling with emotion and the little box in his pocket is burning a hole in his pants, anxious to be let out.

“P-p-p-Poe?” Rey makes the “P” sound a few times and then pulls back frowning, tears spilling from her eyes.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” Poe asks and signs. He holds her face, wiping her tears.

 _[I’ve been saying your name wrong!]_ She ducks her head into his chest.

“It’s ok sweetheart” He whispers to her, “Bs and Ps are so similar, It’s endearing, I like it. You can still call me ‘Bo’ if you want to.”

She is crying and nodding, collecting herself.

“I love you so much, Rey.” He adds, kissing her head, and then her lips.

She pulls back and slowly forms the words. “I….l-love….youuu.” She struggles to form the words for the first time. But her face lifts into a smile.

“That was beautiful, Sunshine!” He presses his forehead against hers and wraps her up. Silence is filling the room as the others watch the sweet exchange.

 _[What did you want to ask me?]_ She chooses to sign because it’s quicker for her than speaking, at the moment.

He takes her hands, brushing his fingers along her knuckles for a long beat while pulling in steadying breaths. Then, reaching into his pocket he pulls out the little box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with it!
> 
> I enjoyed writing this so much. It's been close to my heart.
> 
> I am super sad to finish it. Ah well, all good things must come to an end.
> 
> <3
> 
> Thanks again, warmest wishes!
> 
> Stay strong and safe during this time of lock down!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I'm excited to write more!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Blind Date](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29435112) by [SperaStella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SperaStella/pseuds/SperaStella)




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